Errors in many areas, sorry.

yncbr:

i need this on my blog tbh i love shai so much

Masaya ako kahapon.

Katatapos lang ng klase ko, i’m expecting to go home alone kasi this past few days ng summer lagi akong nauwi mag isa. Dumaan muna ako ng bookstore para bumili at magpareserve ng Physics Lab book. Tapos pag labas ko, may mga naghihintay pala sakin. Cool. May kasabay na ako sa jeep pauwi. Habang asa jeep, nagkaayaan, gusto ko kasi ng ice cream hanggang nauwi sa pizza. Hanggang napunta kami sa SM diretso sa Greenwich at umorder ng Hawaiian pizza. Tapos nag crave ako sa fries, bumili sila. Medyo napagastos pero ayus lang, naging masaya naman ako.  Napunta kami sa panonood ng sine, Captain America. Ang lamig sa sinehan, sobrang lamig, nanginginig na ko. Naiihi na ako. HAHAHAHAHA. Pero ang cool ng story kaya hindi ako tumayo. XD First time kong makasama sa ganitong galaan itong mga ito, lalu na si Edward. Hindi pa kami ganun kaclose pero ang cool nyang kasama. Medyo weird na tipong nakakahiya at maisusumpa mo siya tuwing mag ha-hum siya ng ganun lalo na nasa sinehan kayo. Bwahahahaha. Pero keribels parin. Nung pauwi na ako, nakita ko ang sarili kong nakangiti. Bigla kong naalala ang mga bff’s ko nung HS. Ganito kami parati. Biglang mag aayaan sa SM, kakain tas pag may pera pa magsisine. Basta masaya akong umuwi. Masaya. Thank you friends. :)

A piece of shit.

Hindi pa na ngangalahati yung term alam ko na,babagsak ako sa isa kong subject. Bago pa lang magfinals, tanggap ko na ang kapalaran ko. Kaso pagtingin ko ng grades at alam ko naman ang makikita ko, masakit rin pala. Oo masaya ako dun sa iba, matataas sila. Kaso for the third time bumagsak ako. Masakit. Masakit parin pala. Kahit sa simula pa lang, alam mo na ang kapalaran ko. Masakit parin talaga.

""I’ll turn your color from either green to blue or green to black."
My math became black."

Taare-Zameen Par (Like Stars on Earth)

image

Naranasan mo na bang malait? Yung feeling na ginagawa mo naman lahat ng kaya mo, pero hindi parin sapat? Ikaw parin yung mali, ikaw parin yung walang kwenta. Gaano  kaya kasakit kung ang nakakaramdam nito ay isang bata, Grade 2 palang nakukutya at napagmamalupitan na; hindi lang ng mga kaibigan o kalaro, maging ang kanyang  sariling tatay. 

image

Siya yung batang hindi marunong mag sulat ng ayos, hindi rin marunong bumasa. Bakit? Kasi lagi siyang pinaparusahan ng mga teacher nya. Pinapalabas tuwing klase kasi nga ang bobo nya. Ni hindi makabasa ng poem or kahit ano pa man. Karaniwan bagsak siya sa mga exams, yung tipong isang number lang ang masasagutan tapos mali pa. “3 *9 = 3” Yan. Ang saklap diba? Tapos nagbabaliktad at nag rarambol ang mga letra na kanyang makikita.

image

Ang sakit isipin na hindi siya naturuan ng ayos ng kanyang mga magulang para matanggal ang ganitong pagkakamali. Hindi naman kasi nila alam kung ano-ano ang nangyayari sa kanya sa school. Kalimitan pa, siya ang paboritong pagalitan kasi nga bobo daw, to think na ang kanyang kuya ay laging perfect at highest sa mga exams. Siya rin yung batang hindi marunong ayusan ang kanyang sarili. Karanwan kasi late siya gumising kaya nanay na nya ang nag aayos sakanya. Wala siyang alam, tanga siya, bobo, walang ginawang tama , tamad, pasaway, matigas ang ulo. Yan ang palaging sinasabi ng kanyang ama, pati narin ang mga tao sa paligid nya. Lahat sila, ganun ang tingin sakanya. Ang sakit tanggapin di ba?

image

Ang sakit sa pakiramdam, nakakatinik ng puso. Masakit mang isipin pero alam kong maraming mga bata o teenager katulad ko ang nakakaranas nito. Yung tipong hindi mo talaga alam, as in walang wala talaga, pero pilit na pinapagawa sayo. Kumbaga para kang pinapabasa ng chinesse phrase, parang mga uod na pinagdikit-dikit. Tapos dahil doon pagtatawanan ka, aalipustahin ka, sasabihan ng tanga at wala kang kwenta. Pero putang-*na, hindi mo lang talaga alam. Kasalanan mo bang hindi mo natutunan? Kaya dahil dito feeling mo ang liit-liit mo. Yung parang wala kang space sa mundong ito kasi magagaling sila, at ikaw, tanga, HINDI KA BAGAY SAKANILA. Masakit diba? Nakakawala ng confidence. Aba, saan ka nga ba kukuha? Saan? Sa lupa? Sa ulap? Sa tubig na iniiinom mo? SAAN? Papaano mo sasabihin sa sarili mo na magaling ka? Na kaya mo! Paano? Ni wala ka ngang kaibigan kasi bobo ka nga daw. Masakit. Pvta. Masakit. Yung inaasahan mong magbibigay ng confidence mo, which is your beloved parents ay hindi rin makakatulong sayo. Sila pa nga ang nagpupukpok sa utak mo na tanga ka, mangmang, tamad, na wala kang makukuha sa lupunang ito kung ganyan palagi ang asal mo. Kewl no?

image

Masarap din namang isipin na kahit papaano hindi ka nag iisa. Si Einstein, si Da Vinci  at marami pang iba ang mga mga ganitong karanasan sa buhay. May darating parin namang anghel na magtuturo sayo at magsasaksak sa puso mo na hindi ka nagiisa, karamay mo ang mga magagaling na tao sa mundo na nagbigay saatin ng kung ano anong bagay. May tao paring magsasabing magaling ka, na kaya mo. Yung magtututro sayo kung paano ang tamang gawin. At matututunan mo ring alagaan at tulungan ang sarili mo.Na yung mga iniisp mo ay pwedeng mangyari, maisusulat at magagawa mo rin yung mga cool na bagay sa utak mo. At magtatagumpay ka. Darating din siya. Magtiwala ka. 

image

Habang pinapanood ko to, nalalasap ko ang mga maalat kong luha at nararamdaman ang sticky kong uhog. Eto na ata yung natatanging movie na nagbigay sakin ng ganitong emosyon, hindi ko mapigilan. Nakakaiyak talaga. Muka akong tanga. Pero pinarating ng movie na ito na kaylangan mong maging matatag, kasi kahit gaano ka pa man nilubog ng pagkakamali mo, may hgahatak parin sayo pataas at tutulungan kang bumangon at mag simula muli. Yung kahit bagsak ka sa subject mo tapos feeling mo ang bobo-bobo mo na, may pag kakataon ka parin next term/year. Makakabawi ka rin at maipapamuka mo sakanila na magaling ka. KAYA MO, AT NATATANGI KA.

image

Do you bloom?

Do you bloom?

Finals week is so near! Before doing acads, I want to see myself happy and kicking.  Let’s stay positive. :)

"Life is all about suffering.
We suffer because we desire.
To free from suffering, don’t desire."

“A Garden of Love Grows in a Grandmother’s Heart.”

I was on the jeepney, cold and sweating, so nervous but I can feel the excitement on my beating heart. I was raised by my grandmother, hoping to see someone like her on the vicinity, until we arrived. I can smell the stingy acid of grandmothers; I can feel the air into my ears, it’s just so cold. As I step my right foot forward, I can saw a black and white telenovela where the cast is the B08 students under Ma’am Cristy on my eyes. I saw a small chapel, bahay kubo and a garden. It was fine, it was normal, but I can hear my heart sadly beating. As we walk to the isle, I saw sisters taking care of the grandmothers. One grandmother was on the wheel chair asking for food, the other one was well fashioned like  a rock star, there was a teenager grandmother with floral headband on her head, a child-like grandmother, and a lot more. As we are waiting for our program to begin, we are invited to celebrate the mass with the grandmothers. I took the opportunity to celebrate the mass since I’m still not visiting the church that time. We bowed our heads and listened to the word of the Lord. While celebrating the mass, a grandmother caught my eye. She is sitting on a wheel chair at the back left of the room. She looks pretty normal; I actually believe that she is still strong. She asked for a graham biscuit then a sister gave her two. I was surprised when a cat looks forward to her asking for food. She cut the biscuit into smaller pieces and gave it to the cat in a different way. She first wiped her wheelchair and put a little biscuit on it then asks for the cat to come into her. Then I realized the fact that this grandmother possesses attention and love. After the mass, we started to prepare for the program. We will not stick into the original plan but will pursue plan B by the way. There was this debutant who happened to celebrate her birthday on the vicinity within the same time and day along with us. Unexpected, but we are truly glad to be a part. There are many grandmothers curvedly lined on the area, but I decided to be with Lola Cory, seated on her wheel chair with a pink pair of slippers on her foot. I smiled and blessed at her. She seems very positive and charming. Actually, a lot of students blessed at her as we enter the area. Cool isn’t? I searched for a chair and seated beside her. Give her plate of food that was well cooked by our beloved food committee, then I started asking about herself and started saying mine too. I started talking “Is the food tastes good lola?” She happily answered “Oh yes, I’m loving it. I like vegetables and soup. This is delicious.” Gladly, she liked it. Then I volunteered to help her to eat, but then she refused. I started asking, “How is your life here lola?” “It was fine, we eat three times a day, wake up at 5:00 in the morning, drink some hot chocolate or milk, we will line up and take a bath, have some rest, we’ll take lunch, take a nap after, then eat again for dinner, and we’ll start to go to bed at around 5:00 in the afternoon.” A long reply from lola Cory. Then I continued asking, “How do make your life positive here? Do you play games like solitaire or mahjong?” She continued telling, “We are not supposed to play cards here, bawal.  No mahjong too, bawal din. Sometimes, out dust sweeper dance and sing for us. She is indeed great!  We usually laugh.” She asked a perfume to Maebel and said, “Put it on my bag so the sister will not get it from me.”  Then I started to ask the life she lost outside the Bahay ni Maria. She grew up in Camalig Albay, went into Manila to seek for a job. She met her husband on a party but left her too. They had two children; the other one was already dead while the other is currently in Lucena, Laguna right now. Her son never knew that she is here. She left her house and lived alone until father Edwin a priest, approached her and asks her to be with him on the ‘Bahay ni Maria’. Lola Cory was deeply thankful to this priest for giving her the chance to be with this shelter, she said that at first she was in deep shy but as time goes by, she learned to manage and it became well. I observed that these grandmothers are spicing each other’s face on us. It was not good, but I know it’s normal. I got a pair of slipper for Lola Cory; I removed the old one from her foot and put the new orange pair of slippers. As of today she is already 85 years old, spending her life with these warmhearted sisters and co-grandmothers. I am touched on Lola Cory’s story. I learned that creating a family is not easy. Looking for a good husband that will cherish you until you die is rare. Having a child that you leaved will not look for you too, so better not leave them behind, so that there will be someone who will look forward into you and take will take care of you as time passed by. As I walk and say goodbye to Lola Cory, I felt her sympathy that she wants me to still be with her for a couple of time, but sadly I can’t. We packed up and have to say goodbye. As we are eating and celebrating for the good output of the said project I felt happy. I felt wonderful, for the past 15-20 minutes that I spent with Lola Cory, I know that I created a smile on her face and made her happy for that single time. I also felt bad for these grandmothers because they are not with their real families for them to lean on but I am sure that they have a big and happy family in this home. As a citizen of this country, Philippines, I never expected that there are institutions for grandmothers because it is not on our culture to put our grandparents on a certain institution from them to care of. It is possible that they are lost and finding their families but how come that there is a lot of grandmothers on this institution? I really felt bad. My heart is crying. Did anyone tried to find these grandmothers? If so, what happened? I’m questioning myself. Trying to look at the positive side that someday, all of these grandmothers will see their family and live with them together before they live with God. Being in this society that everyone is looking forward to do something that will make their lives better is hard, especially for the grandparents  without  nothing to do; nothing to help; nothing to look forward to. It is also heart breaking to know that your family can’t find you anymore but gladly there are these sisters and institutions that opens the door for you anytime you need their help. They will take care of you and will make your life better than living alone on the outside world. Hopefully, these grandmothers will be able to find their family in the near future.